A Confession adapted from the prayer "Perfectly Love" by Walter Bruggemann in ~Prayers for a Privileged People~

We have been commanded from the beginning to love you with
all our hearts and
all our souls and
all our minds and
all our strength.

We have pledged to love, in our preayers and inour vows, with our best relove.

But we confess . . . .

We love you imperfectly;
We love you with a divided hear,
With a thousand other loves that are more compellying,
With reservation and qualification,
And passion withheld and devotion impaired.

We do nor come to pretend before you,
But to confess that we do not,
As we are,
Love you perfectly;
We do not keep your commands;
We do not order our lives by your purpose;
We do not tilt toward you as our deepest affection.

But we would . . . . . .
We would love you more perfectly,
By the taste of bread become your flesh,
By the swallor of wine become your blood,
By the praise of our lips and beyond our usual reasoning,
By the commandments that are not burden but joy to us,
By embraceing your passion for neighbors,
By your ways of justice and peace and mercy,
By honoring the world you have made
And all creatures great and smal,
By self-care that knows you as our creator.

Lead us past our shabby compromises
And our cheap devotion;

Lead us into singleness vision
And purity of heart,

That we may will one thing,
And answer back in love to your great love to us.

Free us from idolatries,
And our habits of recalcitrance,
Tender our hearts,
Gentle our lips,
Open our hands,

That we may turn toward you fully,
Toward your world unguardedly,

Let us bask in your freedom
To be fully yours, and,
So trusting, fully your own.


We pray through the Lord Jesus Christ who loved you

Singularly, perfectly, fully - to the end.

Braylen is sick!

So I took Braylen to the doctor's today and I totally was not ready for what I heard. He has had this cough since October that has not gone away. I have gone to the doctor for it before, but it does not seem to go away. The doctor first said that Braylen has two ear infections, but then he says that Braylen might have some type of broncial disease. He said that they cannot be sure until his ear infections go away. So we are going back in three weeks to check and see what is going on. However, I leave to go to Africa on Sunday (which is two days!). I feel aweful. I want to be with him soo bad! I am so scared. If he has this disease he will be put on some type of steroid. I don't think it is a very serious disease, but it is still scary, he is my baby boy! So I know that he will be ok while I am gone, but I am having an even harder time leaving him here. I need prayers as well as Braylen!!

Africa here I come!

So I do get to go to Africa! Some of the team members that I will be going with donated some money in order for me to go. I am so excited!! I will update you more as I am there. I will be leaving on the 18th! God is soo good!

AFRICA!!! (Maybe not :'( !! )

Ok So I was supposed to be going to Africa in January. Well, I did not get enough support money to go on the trip. The team leaders decided that if I could get $1000 in by December 29th I would be able to go. However, tomorrow is the 29th and I still don't have $1000!! So unless a miracle happens, I am not going to Kenya anymore. I wanted to go so bad, but I guess God has a different plan for me right now. I am disappointed, but I also feel peace about it too. Whatever happens, will happen!

AFRICA!!!

So I am going to Africa in about a month and I have so much on my mind. My one year old son has just recently become all "Momma Momma Momma" on me. He has never really been attached to me like that since I am still living in a house full of people. Now I am beginning to have anxiety about leaving him here. I mean, I can't take him with me, but I am his only parent and I will be gone for 2 weeks straight! On the other hand, I am soo excited to get there. This will be my third time to go to Africa and second time to go to Nairobi, Kenya. I love it there! I almost feel more comfortable in Kenya than I do in my own home. I am going to be rooming with another girl who is 20 and it is her first time for a lot of things. She has never been to another country, and has never flown. However, since we are both just as excited as the other, and I have an idea of how to get around the town, we both can't wait for this adventure to start. I also have so much to buy and get ready to pack! At least I have an organized packing list. haha!

So I can't wait to go and see what God has in store for me. I know that this trip will bring me closer to Him. I just can't wait to see how He does it!!

Learn something you already knew.

I have had a hard year and a half. I have been making horrible decisions in my life; some recent some not so recent. How do I move on from the guilt of the past year when I feel like I'm stuck and I don't know how to move on? I only know one person to turn to and that is Jesus Christ. I have been trying to read the Bible more and pray more and turn my life back around. I'm not sure how my life change looks like right now or will look like in the near future, but I wish a life change could happen automatically. It would be so much easier. The journey to the change is interesting however. I know I will learn a ton of things about myself and my walk with Christ. I look back at myself when I was in junior high and high school and how much I was in love with God. I wonder what happened to that relationship with him. I think most people would blame Satan, but he is not always the one to blame; I blame my bad choices that God allows me to make. I think he does this to show us something else about himself. I learned something about God through this past year. He never leaves me. I know, that is something everyone knows about God, but do we believe it; do we personally know that it is true? We sometimes have to go through hard things in order for God to teach us something we already knew. We will see the teaching in a whole different light; and for that, I thank God for all the hard times I had this past year.